Saturday, July 15, 2006

One Last Breath

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I dont know where I am anymore. It's a dark and misty place, a place where shadows sleep, memories weep and heart breaks many times over. The walls are soo tall that no one can climb to the top and each has a window in it. But the windows have long been sealed to keep away from God- knows- what- harm. The harm has already been done. The body has been violated, the soul etched with an impurity, the heart injected with blackness. The shadows grow deep, the light fades away. My misty eyes, nobody sees. My broken heart, nobody knows...I hear somebody laughing. It echoes, bouncing off the walls repeatedly, each time a little fuzzier, a little slow. I strain forward, trying desperately to recognize the source. The voice is no longer there. It was, but, a memory. My heart bleeds a little more.It still doesnt seem to know. My purity stinks from the wretchedness. I roll in self- disgust, I loathe myself. So weak? Oh i was not born like this. Desperate for one look, one touch from the right person... and yet being hurt by nameless, faceless people all around me.A small paper flies past me. Instict urges me to catch it. I look at the fading handwriting. My heart leaps for a moment and quitens immediately. It was a long time ago. There is paper, some words written in lead pencil. Memories stab me yet again. I had cried alone so many times that it had become a habbit, one that actually felt like a part of me, an essential, a necessity...The paper crumbles in my hand and I let go. The faint breeze takes it to the roof, slaps it a couple of times as if demanding some sacrifice and upon receiving the dues, it flies it over the top, to freedom. My dues?, I scream. No voice comes out of me. I slump back.My life is over somehow. I don't need, i don't feel. I don't care. I don't want to. My body commits sins my soul has no control over. My mind makes plans my heart no longer wished to entertain. I fall and don't even try to get up again. I just push the small stones away and lie down, expecting another fall to come soon. I don't want bigger things in life. I don't want small things either...
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Courtesy: Aruj

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