Happy Birthday!

..
With far too many cars on the roads in Islamabad and far too less friends around me, i wished myself another Birthday this year. I hugged myself, and told me to let all of it go. and then I patted and held myself wen tears began to flow, without any reason at all.
That night wen i sat on my bed, alone in my room, curtains drawn and an abandoned novel by the side, i gave myself some company. i thought about things that came and changed me, for better or worse remains undecided, and i scared myself thinking of things yet to come. its always better to be prepared for the next. i haven't recovered from my past yet
My heart cries most of the times at most things in my life. It cries when normal people shrug and let go. but it cries alone.
..

How can a simple thing like life be such a complete mess?
To my heart, i said, 'if i gave u my grief, i wouldn't really be left with anything'
To all others, i told em that my birthday went past in a flurry of assignments, projects and celebrations.
The only thing i celebrated that day wasn't even there.
..

I like to treasure little memories in life.the tragedy is that the Soul is itself lost but still I breathe :)

..

Courtesy:Aruj

One Last Breath

..
I dont know where I am anymore. It's a dark and misty place, a place where shadows sleep, memories weep and heart breaks many times over. The walls are soo tall that no one can climb to the top and each has a window in it. But the windows have long been sealed to keep away from God- knows- what- harm. The harm has already been done. The body has been violated, the soul etched with an impurity, the heart injected with blackness. The shadows grow deep, the light fades away. My misty eyes, nobody sees. My broken heart, nobody knows...I hear somebody laughing. It echoes, bouncing off the walls repeatedly, each time a little fuzzier, a little slow. I strain forward, trying desperately to recognize the source. The voice is no longer there. It was, but, a memory. My heart bleeds a little more.It still doesnt seem to know. My purity stinks from the wretchedness. I roll in self- disgust, I loathe myself. So weak? Oh i was not born like this. Desperate for one look, one touch from the right person... and yet being hurt by nameless, faceless people all around me.A small paper flies past me. Instict urges me to catch it. I look at the fading handwriting. My heart leaps for a moment and quitens immediately. It was a long time ago. There is paper, some words written in lead pencil. Memories stab me yet again. I had cried alone so many times that it had become a habbit, one that actually felt like a part of me, an essential, a necessity...The paper crumbles in my hand and I let go. The faint breeze takes it to the roof, slaps it a couple of times as if demanding some sacrifice and upon receiving the dues, it flies it over the top, to freedom. My dues?, I scream. No voice comes out of me. I slump back.My life is over somehow. I don't need, i don't feel. I don't care. I don't want to. My body commits sins my soul has no control over. My mind makes plans my heart no longer wished to entertain. I fall and don't even try to get up again. I just push the small stones away and lie down, expecting another fall to come soon. I don't want bigger things in life. I don't want small things either...
..
Courtesy: Aruj

Need for Closure

..

Friends give you strength and help you stand firm, facing all the adversities of life. But when these friends ditch you for no apparent reason, you lose the support that held you firm and fall down hard on the floor.
...
While some friendships become stronger with time, there are some that wane and dissolve out of our lives forever. Sometimes the splinters from a relationship dig deeply into your soul, mainly because that particular friend was extremely dear to you and you lost him/her for no apparent reason and they are not letting on what caused the break despite your asking them a zillion times. This causes a lot of agony, but time heals these wounds and you move on armed with distrust when befriending the next person.......whether we want them or not. But there should be some kind of explanation given for this so that everyone involved is aware what has happened. That is the least we owe to our friends, or ex-friends for that matter. But sometimes a friend just backs off and drops all connections with you for no apparent reason; they will not talk to you, not take your calls, not meet mutual friends and will not give you closure. You can't think of anything that could have caused your friend to put an end to your friendship, and it is particularly frustrating when they won't even tell you what happened.
...
Sonia and Maryam had been friends since they were in college and even after they married they managed a relationship in which their husbands were also included, so their friendship continued. Then suddenly, Sonia sent Maryam an SMS and declared that their friendship was over, and that they must never meet again. Maryam demanded an explanation for the sudden cessation of their 20-year-old friendship, but Sonia didn't give any. Maryam was devastated, she could not believe that such a long friendship could be wrapped up so abruptly without giving her a chance to assimilate the situation. She tried to convey her hurt to Sonia, but she came up against it as a stonewall. It was apparent that Sonia didn't want nor cared to continue any kind of communication with Maryam. This episode has shaken Maryam's belief in friendship since she is the type of person who has always cherished her friends; it has made her wary to make new friends now, as she is always expecting to be dumped whenever it pleases the other person.
..
If one has invested a considerable time in a friendship, and one day decides to break ties with one's friends, it is only fair that the one being dumped should be given the respect and consideration of being informed why the relationship is ending.
..
So, next time you decide that you cannot continue a relationship and can't reconcile, at least give your friend the dignity of closure for old (and good) times' sake.

-Unknown-