I'hv Realized

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I 'hv realized how the word: "hurt" is not nearly enough when a heart breaks and i also realize that it breaks several times and no matter on how many occasions it breaks and due to whatever reasons, the pain never lessens and you never ecome accustomed to it.

I 've realized tht no poison works as thoroughly and as effectively as memories.

I 've realized tht the ultimate death of the soul is when you apprehend that your dreams will never be envisioned since they were too broken.

I 've realized tht the best things in our life never last more than 3 minutes flat: prayer, birthday wish, declaration of love, poignant moments, icecream in summers, genuine smile, orgasm, hugs, tht Look, apple chewing gum and a sunset.

Courtesy:Aruj

When Love & Life Collide

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I'm taken back to the days when a relationship meant so much more than just a practical endeavor. When friendship and love were not just an enjoyable experience, but a way of life. When crazy things were done to impress counterpart. When the guys would take trip to unknown places and not look at the sights, spending all their time instead smsing and calling their current "love interests". When every breakup meant a sad evening with the whole gang and every new relationship forged meant the same thing, just that it was paid for. When nights were spent watching movies, listening to songs and then thinking how movie scenes reminded of the good times together.

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I really don't know where those days have gone or why we have chosen to be so "adult" about this. Why everyone have to put up the brave face while really being torn apart inside by the pain of the split-up. Why all the smiles are forced when what you really want to do is call and say "i miss you". During the day why we slog to forget the past when each night is spent tossing, turning and crying about it. Why everyone is so quiet lately, listening to old songs, going back to the old haunts (at least when we sleep), just thinking of the good times and wishing that time would rewind, if only for a few hours.

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Don't grow up so much that you forget who you really are and what you really want. Don't confuse goals with dreams and practicality with love. For once in your life make the decision that you want, not the one that is required.

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Don't give up so soon guys.....and don't lose that one thing that matters...
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Courtesy:Shani

Freedom Bound

Mujrim

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" Tmhe maaloom hey Jaana!

Key tm bhi ek Qaatil ho

Mere ander ka ek hansta hua Insaan

Tum ne Maar dala hey... "

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-Wasi Shah-

The ache

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I m lonely and I jst cant help it.... im lonely beyond belief. people think im not, since i have such a huge circle of people all arnd me. thy think its funny wen i tell them this. they think of me as ungrateful of wht God has given me.me be i am. i dont know. but i really am lonely. really. i just wish smbdy wud atleast believe me. i have nobody to share myself with. people think of me as their best friend, their confidante. but im not. wen im sitting alone, they cum up to me and have this quizzical expression on their face. they ask me, "wht's wrong man?" and their eyes have tht same expression tht says, "wht cud be possibly wrong with you? u have a perfect life!" i dont. i dont have a perfect life. i have nobody i can trust, i have nobody to lean on. i cant make friends cuz they ultimately turn into "people in need of something". im a human being. i get scared too. i have needs too. i dont have wings. i cant fly away or hide in a corner. i have problems too. problems tht are just as painful. my heart breaks just like urs does. my faith dwindles just like u question urs. im not mother superior. im not gifted. i wasnt made this way.

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i m not strong. im just moulded this way.if i can hear u cry, why cant u see my tears?i didnt plan my life this way. jst the other day, somebody i luk upto told me, "u have a great life! how many 24 yr olds of this world hv a job and earn well while they complete their studies and participate in co cirricular activities.u have amazing talent. u touch people..." why doesnt anybody realize im 24 and not 42... and im in competition with my own self! i yearn to be able to learn, not know everythng in advance; surprised when it suddenly starts raining all of a sudden and not feel tht dim ache in my heart everytime it pours. i have the same dreams. and even though i swear like a man and talk like a 60 yr old, im still a human who gets hurt everytime all of her friends get a mail from his/her lov and his inbox remains empty.im still the guy who would give anythng to have a shoulder to cry on and to be loved even with swollen eyes.
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Courtesy: Aruj

Happy Birthday!

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With far too many cars on the roads in Islamabad and far too less friends around me, i wished myself another Birthday this year. I hugged myself, and told me to let all of it go. and then I patted and held myself wen tears began to flow, without any reason at all.
That night wen i sat on my bed, alone in my room, curtains drawn and an abandoned novel by the side, i gave myself some company. i thought about things that came and changed me, for better or worse remains undecided, and i scared myself thinking of things yet to come. its always better to be prepared for the next. i haven't recovered from my past yet
My heart cries most of the times at most things in my life. It cries when normal people shrug and let go. but it cries alone.
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How can a simple thing like life be such a complete mess?
To my heart, i said, 'if i gave u my grief, i wouldn't really be left with anything'
To all others, i told em that my birthday went past in a flurry of assignments, projects and celebrations.
The only thing i celebrated that day wasn't even there.
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I like to treasure little memories in life.the tragedy is that the Soul is itself lost but still I breathe :)

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Courtesy:Aruj

One Last Breath

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I dont know where I am anymore. It's a dark and misty place, a place where shadows sleep, memories weep and heart breaks many times over. The walls are soo tall that no one can climb to the top and each has a window in it. But the windows have long been sealed to keep away from God- knows- what- harm. The harm has already been done. The body has been violated, the soul etched with an impurity, the heart injected with blackness. The shadows grow deep, the light fades away. My misty eyes, nobody sees. My broken heart, nobody knows...I hear somebody laughing. It echoes, bouncing off the walls repeatedly, each time a little fuzzier, a little slow. I strain forward, trying desperately to recognize the source. The voice is no longer there. It was, but, a memory. My heart bleeds a little more.It still doesnt seem to know. My purity stinks from the wretchedness. I roll in self- disgust, I loathe myself. So weak? Oh i was not born like this. Desperate for one look, one touch from the right person... and yet being hurt by nameless, faceless people all around me.A small paper flies past me. Instict urges me to catch it. I look at the fading handwriting. My heart leaps for a moment and quitens immediately. It was a long time ago. There is paper, some words written in lead pencil. Memories stab me yet again. I had cried alone so many times that it had become a habbit, one that actually felt like a part of me, an essential, a necessity...The paper crumbles in my hand and I let go. The faint breeze takes it to the roof, slaps it a couple of times as if demanding some sacrifice and upon receiving the dues, it flies it over the top, to freedom. My dues?, I scream. No voice comes out of me. I slump back.My life is over somehow. I don't need, i don't feel. I don't care. I don't want to. My body commits sins my soul has no control over. My mind makes plans my heart no longer wished to entertain. I fall and don't even try to get up again. I just push the small stones away and lie down, expecting another fall to come soon. I don't want bigger things in life. I don't want small things either...
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Courtesy: Aruj